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Different ways of caring

May 2, 2024   ·   0 Comments

By Constance Scrafield

Seniors’ stories and “how to live like a senior” advice covered a couple of pages in the Orangeville Citizen last week. Pictures of smiling seniors high-fiving each other, gathered together, and it was all fine. They looked as though they were in pretty good nick and there was also an advertisement for an in-home care company; another for building equipment to aid mobility in the home. All the bases were covered, so it seemed.

Yet, after the card games and other activities, those seniors have to go home. Nowadays, it is good to hear, seniors are considered better off living in their own homes, maybe where they have lived for many years. Those might be lonely homes though, for a self-sustaining senior if a beloved partner has left it; if all the youngsters have flown to their own lives. Relationships between an older person and their younger associates, especially their children of any age are as important as any old pal could be.

The obituaries in the Citizen acknowledge the sad passing of seniors, a couple of whom lived over 100 years; others lived well into their 80s. Although those 100 or 80 years may seem to have zipped by, they look like long lives to the rest of us. The burning question is, where and how does a senior person live when aging begins to make them disabled?

Then, the meetings and bright conversations can fade away. A solo life at home can fade away and be replaced by a space in a residence, a room shared with others, every treasure taken away and all that remains are a few happy memories in frames on bedside furniture. These institutions vary enormously as to care, food and stimulation. However attentive the physical care is as to cleanliness and comfort – or not; whatever is the food as to nourishment and palatability; whenever are the diversions of card games, knitting circles, a time outside or hours in a wheelchair watching television: all this can range from excellent to the minimum. The level of each of these needs depends on how much a month the inmates pay to be there but it is never again “home.”

Another place can have a resident chef, tables with tablecloths, and attractive settings. The accommodation is private suites, with a main room, bedroom, kitchenette and bath and is meant to be home to well-functioning seniors, ready to leave their own properties and enjoy the convenience of such full service.

At the bottom of the scale is a place of shocking contrast all the way to inedible lunches and dinners. But cheap.

Yet and yet, what really matters is the continued connection with one’s family. I’ve seen people in such low-level care who have been months without a visitor. This was the real heartbreak for them, even worse than the depression of where they were living.

For the experts talking about fruitful and happy old age here, there should be more said about keeping the connection of the people the elderly love by visiting and going out together with them when possible.

Many places in the world are home to seniors who habitually live really well to 100 years and more. They can live like this because they remain in their own communities; they continue to live with their families, still useful. These are called Blue Zones, where people live the longest on healthy diets, walking and other natural movements and staying within their communities. These so-called “Blue Zones” are in Italy, Greece, Costa Rica, Japan and even some places in California.

All our lives are lived spontaneously. We have routines, sure, but there is always the impulsive break – a meeting with friends, a digression in plans, an unexpected but welcomed visitor. Healthy longevity is not a mystery – it is the continuance of spontaneity.

Our natural living should not end abruptly and something less begin. Many cultures understand that ripping any person away from all that is known and loved is not a recipe for a happy time.

Generational continuity is difficult in this very rapidly changing world when so many social norms are being smashed under the extreme weight of anonymous social interaction, where good manners and a cordial tone of conversation can be irrelevant and protocol allows and accepts hurtful conduct as the norm.

I can’t imagine what parents teach their children about social behaviour if they and their children too are all preoccupied with their devices, faces down, eyes glued to little screens. Terrifying.

As we sow, so might we reap. The way our children treat us in our dotage may very well reflect how we cared about them in their youth. I have seen the best and the worst of senior living, here and abroad. I watched a sad lineup of folk in wheelchairs, waiting at the door of the dining room for their turn at muck no one wants to eat.

I have been in kitchens overseas where Grandma is still cooking wonderful meals or at least in attendance at the table, still loved and consulted, and I know who is better off.

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