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The maddest I’ve ever seen mom

June 6, 2024   ·   0 Comments

By Keith Schell

If there was ever a club out there for people who occasionally did dumb things, I would probably get elected president of our local chapter.

The Dumbass club would probably have a vast world-wide membership and encompass people from all walks of life. You know who you are.

That being said, it was a quiet spring family Saturday in the mid-1980’s. I was chilling at home and not really doing anything.  

It was shopping day and we needed groceries, so Dad drove Mom into town and dropped her off at the grocery store to get the weekly shopping done. Dad had to go someplace else to do something so when Mom was done shopping she was just going to call me at home from the store and I would go into town and pick her up.

I was at home when the phone rang. Mom was done grocery shopping in town and needed me to pick her up. I had my own car at the time and said I would come in and get her.

I drove the eight miles into town and swung past the grocery store.

When I got to the grocery store, I began driving around looking for a spot close to the store exit to park the car. There was none.

Because I think I had tunnel vision focused solely on looking for a parking space, I did not see my Mother waiting on the sidewalk by the store exit with a cart full of groceries.

And because I did not see her and thinking she was not done shopping yet, my Mother watched open-mouthed from the grocery store sidewalk as I drove right past her and went back home without her!

When my Mother got over her initial shock and went back into the store to use the pay phone, the cashier who had just rang her out and witnessed the whole thing unfold asked her in disbelief, “Did Keith actually go back home without you??”

Apparently, the answer was a very terse “Yes.”    

A little while after I got home, the phone rang. I answered it. On the other end was my Mother, madder than a wet hen, calling me from the grocery store pay phone and ordering me to get my butt back into town and pick her up at the grocery store!

Oops.

As I drove back into town, I knew my Mother was ready to clobber me. In fact, I remember wondering how long I was going to live after I picked her up. This time, when I got back in to the grocery store I saw my Mother fuming on the sidewalk with the cart full of groceries and I finally found a spot to park the car.

As we silently loaded the groceries into the trunk of the car, I knew by the look in her eyes I was going to get it good just as soon as we were no longer in public view. And as soon as we got in the car and pulled away from the grocery store I sure heard about what I did all the way home!

I’ve seen my Mother get mad at me on numerous occasions over the course of my life, but never as mad at me as she was on that day. And I really can’t say I blame her.

To this day, I honestly don’t know how I could have missed seeing my Mother on the sidewalk with a cart full of groceries. I guess I was so zoned in on finding a parking spot I didn’t see the forest for the trees, as it were. And I went right past her.

A little while ago, I asked Mom if she remembered this happening and she had forgotten about it completely. Being the one yelled at back then, I never forgot it and I smile about it now. With loved ones, the passage of time can turn most memories into pleasant ones. 

So, fellow manly dumbasses, the moral of the story is: Don’t forget to pick up the women in your life, be they wives, daughters, or mothers, wherever they are. Because if you do forget, you’ll hear about it big-time afterwards!

All the men out there know exactly what I mean.

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