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Scrambled eggs and toast

September 20, 2019   ·   0 Comments

By Constance Scrafield

Wow, fun, isn’t it? These people are scrambling, nails scraping on the walls of terror – will they vote for me if I give their kids each a million bucks? 

How about on every fifth birthday? Is a million enough or should iI increase it as we go along?

Gosh, what’ll I do to convince than that I’m the best choice -to have me back …or have me for the first time…

This is such a circus of candidates – we Canadians don’t usually do weird for our elections but it points to how important this election is that the candidates are so wild with their promises and so repetitive, going nuts to out bid each other as if the throne of Prime Ministry-ship is a prize to be won at a live auction.

Maybe that’s the answer. We should ask David Nairn, who does a wonderful job at the Victorian Christmas auctioning off evenings at the theatre – dinners with celebrities – all sorts of wondrous adventures and possessions – maybe we could get all the politicians and Mr. Nairn in Ottawa. They could all have numbers the way you do at an auction and Mr. Nairn could stand beside a beautiful chair that represents the office and position of Prime Minister and he could auction it off to them.

A whole new take on auctions – how would we know what the best bid is, as they pile on the goodies and the promises? Would it be strictly in terms of money – this cost that and that cost more? Would it matter that it is our money they’re using? 

The best thing about this idea is that it wouldn’t be scattered as it is now. Pretty hard, I would think, at the moment, to count up the true expense of all the travel, not just across the country once– that’s big to begin with, but also back and forth across the country, east and west, as well as north and south.

Look, there could those terrific huge, really big televisions that were put up for the Raptors’ games with the nation congregating in pubs across the land and in public squares. Mr. Nairn on a big platform, shaded by a Canadian flag stretched for the purpose, everything at hand he needs to sustain him, while he handles the auction to end all auctions – a country, an office, power to heal or harm.

Then, the attendees – perhaps they would bring their families to cheer them on. Certainly, they would have their bean-counters next to them, muttering in mysterious math-speak the best ways in which to promise money gifts to the public.

Well, do we really understand that these promises are about giving back to us what we are paying to them? I mean, income tax was a temporary measure imposed on this country when we were at war during World War I. It worked so well at the time and not enough people said, “That has to stop now,” that the government just kept on doing it.

They know, don’t they? That collecting these taxes from us – that all taxes are privileges that we extend to them with our vote – not their right to impose them. 

It is not the right of government to impose a tax; it is a privilege extended by the populace that, in many ways, can be revoked by our vote.

Auctions can be very exciting and David Nairn is the champion auctioneer. He will bring pressure to bear, as the best auctioneers will do and have those candidates sweating, and swearing under their breaths, as each of them dreams up yet another batch of promises to tempt him to bring his gravel down with a bang! and shout “sold!” 

The nation is sold to the highest bidder. 

This is a much more efficient and cost-effective way of running an election, especially given the piss-poor participation that Canadiansthe  make at the polls. In general, less than half of people who are eligible to vote, do so. 

They might be more involved watching the auction of their highest political office on those big televisions, with all the interaction online – the whole country would be crazy interested for the first time in – goodness knows how long.

Well, voting is so messy, so inconvenient. You have to leave your house and go some place that, last time, was frequently not clear and people were being turned away and told their station was some place else. 

You have to make decisions and they would be easier to make if you had paid attention to the circus and tried to sort what everyone is actually saying. People promote disappointment over the behaviour and the let-downs of one politician, then another in a time when everything they is recorded forever. 

In a way, Francois Legault, Premier of Quebec is holding an auction – or is it blackmail – by raising demands for support of his over-the-top unconstitutional new laws.

They are all villains under their fancy lace but they are all we have, except the power to get rid of them.

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